When I turned seven, my mother decided a good way to earn some extra cash was to throw me a birthday party. The con went something like this;
- Invite a bunch of kids over for a "birthday" party.
- Make sure no one is allowed in the house without giving me some sort of a gift. The bigger the box the better. Bonds will not be accepted.
- Stick one old Hannukah candle in a Entenmann's cookie.
- Have me blow the candle out ten minutes into the party.
- Tell all the guests my brother has diarrhea so they will leave.
- Throw all the gifts in the trunk of the Corolla. Leave the drum that some neighbor gave as a present in the house.
- Drive to the Toys R Us on Route 4 in Paramus.
- Ask to speak to the manager. Tell said manager that you bought all the items the day before, but you lost your receipt and you have to have cash back. A store credit is unacceptable.
- Count your earnings as you walk out of the store.
- Regift the drum to Jake on his birthday because you're mad his mom is a Shiksa and she stole a good Jewish man. The beat of the drum will teach her.
Actual video of my mom robbing the store.
Stay tuned for more dysfunctional stories.