Monday, August 26, 2013

What's my niche?

So last Friday was my big shot at the majors. called me in for a "meeting." I love using quotes.  There was no discussion of what the meeting was about so I assumed it was for me to take over one of their many titty sites.

When I arrived I was a bit shocked.  Instead of being some pretty office where girls posed for photos that would be instantly uploaded to the site,  I found a room that was more out of the movie Boiler Room.  It stunk of sweat, and there were a bunch of dudes at computer tables that had no chairs.  I sat in the kitchen for a bit watching people drink Red Bulls and eat gummy worms while I waited for the head of Editorial to meet with me.  It felt like hours (it was two minutes) before I was called in by Colin, the big cheese.  We bantered back and forth a bit while he tossed a football in the air.  I prayed to God he wouldn't throw it to me as I'm Jewish.  We touched upon some great stuff.  For one,  I should have done my homework as is just one of many sites owned my Spin Media.  The Superficial is another.  Talk about my shot at greatness.  We discussed my speciality.  I said mockery.  He asked my dreams and aspirations.  I said to write on a sitcom.  He told me I was too old and white and would never be hired.  After that we talked a bit about nothing and he then told me he has 10,000 writers for celebrity mockery.  He needs me to have a niche.  I told him I could write obituaries.  What is my niche?  I talk out my ass half the time and would hardly call me an expert on anything.

At this point I just have to wait for one of the 10,000 current writers to die.  Then I get my chance in the sun.

My version of air quotes.  Only funny to two people.  One I stole it from.

1 comment:

regan said...

Hilarious air quotes!!!