When I arrived I was a bit shocked. Instead of being some pretty office where girls posed for photos that would be instantly uploaded to the site, I found a room that was more out of the movie Boiler Room. It stunk of sweat, and there were a bunch of dudes at computer tables that had no chairs. I sat in the kitchen for a bit watching people drink Red Bulls and eat gummy worms while I waited for the head of Editorial to meet with me. It felt like hours (it was two minutes) before I was called in by Colin, the big cheese. We bantered back and forth a bit while he tossed a football in the air. I prayed to God he wouldn't throw it to me as I'm Jewish. We touched upon some great stuff. For one, I should have done my homework as WWTDD.com is just one of many sites owned my Spin Media. The Superficial is another. Talk about my shot at greatness. We discussed my speciality. I said mockery. He asked my dreams and aspirations. I said to write on a sitcom. He told me I was too old and white and would never be hired. After that we talked a bit about nothing and he then told me he has 10,000 writers for celebrity mockery. He needs me to have a niche. I told him I could write obituaries. What is my niche? I talk out my ass half the time and would hardly call me an expert on anything.
At this point I just have to wait for one of the 10,000 current writers to die. Then I get my chance in the sun.
My version of air quotes. Only funny to two people. One I stole it from.